Category Archives: Free Writing

Book Review: A Brother's Journey

A Brother’s Journey, Richard B. Pelzer, Warner Books, NY: Time Warner, 2005

It is not often that I am at a loss for words. Yet weeks after finishing A Brother’s Journey, I am struggling to find a way to describe the horror and sorrow the story evokes. Ordinary terms feel wrong. Children were tortured. Many of us were abused as children. Children are routinely burned with cigarettes, battered black and blue, and told they are stupid and in the way. Richard Pelzer and his brothers — especially David, or “IT,” as their mother insisted he be called — were treated to worse. Day after day, night after night, month after month, year after year. Think I am exaggerating, picture a child on the floor eating excrement because his mother is threatening to kill him if he fails to obey. Picture a child chained in a basement, more than half naked. Other crimes occurred that I cannot bear to repeat.
Horror is not strong enough.
Monster is not too weak. I do not use the term lightly. Like most people, I like to pretend monsters are not real. That they only exist in fairy tales and horror films. We know unspeakable things go on behind closed doors, but we are scared to think about them. They might make us question what it is to be human. When we are forced to acknowledge that monsters exist, self-protection sends us into fight-or-flight mode. What we can’t forget or cover over, we work to explain. The monster’s parents were probably monsters. An unusual type of brain damage occurred, or compassion was beaten out. These things happen. But the fact is, there is a great deal of evidence that monsters are often born that way. No one knows why. It is possible that no one ever will.
Horror is definitely not strong enough.
Anger. Revulsion. Fear. Loathing.
Only a robot or a rock could fail to cringe at the extreme and unrelenting punishment the author’s drunken and often hysterical mother heaped on him and his brothers. IT. Think starvation, think hidden from school authorities. Having your identity stripped away. Shrieking, berating, ridiculing, humiliating, shaming. Evil stalked in shape of a woman. Swooped down suddenly for no reason. David lived to tell his story before he passed away. We will never know how much it took out of him. A loving wife helped his brother Richard rescue himself. Mind you, it took years.
Good news–? Samaritans vastly outnumber monsters. If they can’t perform miracles, an astounding number come close. All have the courage to try.
Why would anyone read a story such as this?
For the courage.
Courage shines through on every page.
I think we all know there are different kinds. There is the kind that enables a person to conquer physical challenges. Astronaut Neil Armstrong’s heart had to be going a mile a minute when he climbed in a space capsule headed for the moon. How many of us think about climbing Mt. Everest or sailing a small boat around the world? That kind of courage is rare. The kind author Richard Pelzer managed to find in himself is rarer. More precious and lasting than the finest diamond. While we are basking in its glow, we forget for once that monsters are out there. It is one thing to ride a motorcycle over parked cars. It is quite another to open a vein and pour heart, blood, and soul onto paper or stand in front of a crowd of people and say, I was in hell. I stayed a long time. I was so scared and mixed-up that fell under the devil’s spell. Even served as her aide from time to time. Nevermind that I had no choice. Ragged remnants of guilt and shame will keep trying to trip me, I know. For a long time, I let them throw me. Now, thanks to my wonderful family, I may stumble, but will not fall. Knowing people who read my story want to lend support is putting more steel in my spine and joy in my heart.
Knowing I will never have to go back.
The author held it all in for years. He was close to breaking down when in a moment of pure desperation, he tearfully confided in his wife. To her everlasting credit, she listened without judging. Went on to help Richard fight his demons to the ground. Guilt, fear, and hate had torn at him as long as he could remember. Dogged his every step. She helped him see that he had to open the wounds so they could drain. He must not let them fester. He must not hold anything back. It was all or nothing time. Not just as a way of healing himself and as a apologetic tribute to his brother David, but to gain anti-abuse support and encourage more people to shelter children who had fallen in harm’s way. What took so much bravery was telling the story. What took the bravery to a whole new level was telling it straight. Unlock that door and throw it open. Admit you cooperated with the monster to the point that you yourself were in danger of becoming like her, Richard. Helped her torture others. Your own brother!
Yes, you were terrified. Yes, you had been in the throes of the symptoms that inevitably plague victims. SHE made it very plain that you would become the “whipping boy” if you didn’t go along. In time, in fact, that is exactly what happened. Poor David, who had always been the target of the worst abuse, was belatedly removed by social workers (who turned a blind eye where you were concerned). Guess who became target number one.
Writing this book was the act of a loving and caring person. One who knows he is cherished. Who has earned the privilege. A vital part of a circle of love that is widening like the circle a well-thrown pebble creates in a stream. The sun is shining now. People are watching. Asking questions and nodding their heads. Richard, I hope the sun shines for you all the rest of your days. You are making such a difference.
If he can bear to write more, it might help to know more about the mother’s background. She is described as having been a socialite. Later in the book, we learn that her relationship with her mother was flawed. How flawed was it, you have to wonder. Why? Was there a crucial turning point? For most of us, there is. Is it possible she could have turned out well, had circumstances been different? The father was barely in the picture. It would be good to know more about him. What were previous generations like? Knowing what causes people to harm themselves and others may not prevent recurrence. But it can’t hurt. It is not a perfect world that we live in. Still, there are cultures where monsters appear to be unknown. Where kindness rules, and respect. Where vulnerability is not an invitation to attack. We need to know more. Education is so often key. Books such as A Brother’s Journey go miles toward opening our eyes and strengthening our resolve. Let us hope they inspire other victims to come forward. Maybe their parents will come forward. Maybe we will be able to help.
So many questions. So few answers.
So much pain.
Strength, courage, compassion.
I hope you will read the book. If will leave you shocked and disturbed, it is true. You will also find yourself looking harder for signs that children are in trouble.
Inspired.

 

Phyllis Jean Green

Excerpt from DIFFERENT ROADS

WHOSE ASS DO WE HAVE TO KISS TO GET A SOFTBALL FIELD?

Jaycee Stevens smiled at the shocked expressions her sign generated from all the baseball fans as she stepped onto the field in her softball uniform. Good, and she hoped it embarrassed the hell out of the school board officials who were there to unveil the new lights they’d bought for Randolph High School’s baseball field when the softball team had no field at all.

“Hold it!” Coach Watson shouted from behind third base as Jaycee walked through the gate. “Get out of here, Stevens! I told you I wasn’t putting up with any more of your stunts!”

Jaycee responded by walking to the middle of the field and sitting cross-legged on the pitching rubber, her super-short blonde hair curling wildly as if in like-minded defiance, and the six earrings curving up her right ear glittering in the brand-new $50,000 lights.

Randolph’s first baseman Scott Simmons ran over to the mound. “Get off the field or I’ll throw you over my shoulder and carry you off!”

The right fielder for the other team planted his six-foot-four frame between Jaycee and the other Randolph players who’d joined Scott. “Touch her and you’ll deal with me,” he said. “She’s got a right to be heard.”

Scott looked at the guy’s imposing stature and apparently reconsidered his threat. “Yeah, whatever. I hope Coach calls the law on her trouble-making ass.”

Jaycee swung her sign at the back of the tall young man’s legs. “Hey, mind your own damn business! I don’t need your help!”

A reporter and cameraman arrived from WSFA in nearby Montgomery claiming they’d gotten an anonymous call about an expected disturbance and wanted to ask the young lady some questions. Once Jaycee had been interviewed on camera and allowed to voice her complaints, she agreed to leave so play could resume, but she accosted the right fielder in the parking lot as he walked to his car after the game.

“Hey, Dudley DoRight! Who said I needed you to rescue me? If the cameras had gotten a shot of that Neanderthal trying to haul me off the field, I could’ve been the top story on the ten o’clock news.”

He stopped and turned around. “The name is Cole McGee. Sorry if I screwed up your plan, but my mama raised me to help a lady when she needs it, and I always try to make Mama proud.”

“Well, Mama’s Boy”—Jaycee put her hands on her hips and looked up into his blue-gray eyes—”who the hell told you I was a lady?”

“Sorry. My mistake.” He resumed walking and was about to open his car door when she tapped him on the shoulder.

“Gonna offer me a ride? Or didn’t your mama also teach you not to leave girls stranded in dark parking lots?”

“As a matter of fact, she did. Get in and I’ll take you home.”

“There you go assuming again.” Jaycee slid over to the middle of the front seat. “Who said I wanted to go home?”

“Okay, then where to?” He got in and started the car. “And do you have a name, or do you just go by Trouble?”

She held out her hand. “Jaycee Laine Stevens, and you can take me wherever you want as long as it’s secluded.”

His eyebrows went up slightly as he shook her hand. “And why would we need to go somewhere like that?”

Jaycee looked into his eyes again without a trace of facetiousness. “Because I’m gonna lose my virginity to you, Cole McGee.”

She was rewarded by his shocked expression, but then he smiled.

“I think I know just the place.”

***

Jaycee had been shocking people for so long it had become her philosophy for life. After her mother died and her father retreated into a bottle of Jack Daniels and shut himself off from the world, six-year-old Jaycee had learned quickly that misbehaving kept her from being ignored. Seventeen-year-old Jaycee had outrageousness down to an art.

Her chastity until Cole came along had nothing to do with virtue. Thanks to a pair of generous contributions she’d received from Mother Nature, boys had been trying to feel her up ever since she’d outgrown her training bra. But when the boys had all grown bigger and stronger than she was, Jaycee had halted her sexual escapades out of fear she’d be forced into unprotected sex that would leave her pregnant. No way would she risk screwing up the big plans she had for her life, because she had no intention of staying in Surplus, Alabama a second longer than she had to.

But she was captivated from the start by Cole McGee, the chivalrous mama’s boy who was so tall and effortlessly good-looking, and he fell equally hard for Jaycee. She relished his devotion, but it also triggered her instinct to protect herself. She’d already had her heart broken twice by her mother’s death and her father’s rejection, so she had to be careful not to let Cole know how she really felt. No matter how much she cared about the easygoing guy who always made her feel cherished and who whispered he would always love her while their naked bodies explored the endless mysteries of being seventeen, she’d be damned if she’d let anybody or anything get in the way of her dreams.

Because maybe she didn’t have a mother to show her how to dress or talk or act properly, and maybe her father forgot she was alive most of the time, and maybe she wasn’t pretty or smart or rich, but people looked at her when she walked down the street or the halls at school. So what if they all thought she was weird? At least they knew her name and wouldn’t soon forget it.

And they sure as hell couldn’t ignore her.

***

Three-quarters of the way through her last year of high school in 1981, Jaycee received the letter that would change her life and didn’t open it. Furious over the handling of her article by the school newspaper’s faculty advisor, she tossed the mail on her bed when she got home and dropped her books on the floor, kicking one of them viciously for good measure.

She needed to see Cole and tell him what they’d done to her. Too damn bad if his parents didn’t like her coming to the restaurant while he was working. She smiled as she thought of how she would make him glad to see her, and she decided to go anyway. Cole could just calm down the old geezers later.

She considered a bath but didn’t feel like heating the water and lugging it from the kitchen to the bathroom. Shit, when was the old man gonna get off his drunken ass and get the gas turned back on? She put on a halter top to guarantee herself a ride, then she brushed her teeth and grabbed her copy of The Randolph Review on her way out of the room. Thanks to a greasy-haired yokel in a pickup who stared at her boobs the whole ride, she charged into the restaurant fifteen minutes later, a blonde tempest heedless of anything in her path.

“You won’t believe where they put it, Cole!” Jaycee burst through the kitchen’s swinging double doors brandishing the offensive newspaper in front of her. “Stuck at the bottom of page two with a bunch of crap about showing school spirit and ordering a yearbook!”

Cole looked up from the onions he was chopping. “You knew they wouldn’t put it on the front page, Jaycee. Page two’s not so bad.”

She dragged a stool over to the counter where he was working and hopped onto the seat, slapping down the newspaper next to the cutting board.

“It’s a fuc—” She stopped and corrected herself, the one concession she’d made in her vocabulary at Cole’s request. “I mean, it’s a frigging insult, considering the lead story is a riveting piece on the top five most-popular teachers. And wait until you hear how they butchered it!”

The middle-aged waitress who worked the afternoon shift appeared at the door. “Cole, you know I’m not supposed to let her in here.”

“It’s okay, Teresa.” He waved her away. “They went to deliver dinners to the retirement home and won’t be back for another hour or so. She’ll be gone by then.” He swept a lock of brown hair from his eyes with the back of his hand. “Go ahead and read it to me, Jace.”

Jaycee sighed and opened the paper to the second page. “The frigging title isn’t even right. They changed it to ‘Double Standards for Baseball and Softball Teams Unfair.’ It’s supposed to be ‘Bite Me, Baseball Boy’!”

Cole laughed, sobering quickly when he got a dark look. “Sorry, Jace. Go ahead.” He finished the onions while he listened, stirring them into a mammoth pot of chili on the stove before making batter for hushpuppies.

Jaycee looked at him with a triumphant smile when she was done. “It’s a helluva lot better than the tripe they usually print, isn’t it? Even with the way they chopped it up.”

“It’s great.” Cole dried his hands on a towel as he walked over to her. “I’m sure it’ll offend all the baseball people and get the softball folks good and riled up the way you like ‘em. I especially liked the way you called the baseball coach ‘a shortsighted chauvinist intimidated by strong women.’ Your tact is impressive.”

“Tact is for cowards.” Jaycee tiptoed to put her arms around his neck and kiss him. “My motto is ‘Shock the shit out of ‘em with the truth and make ‘em try to prove you wrong’.”

Cole shook his head and smiled down at her. “How did a peace-loving guy like me fall for such a radical hell raiser?”

“Simple. I seduced your ass, and you’ll never get enough of me.” She put his hand inside her shirt and pressed it against her bare breast.

“Stop it, Jaycee. You know I can’t leave.”

“Just for a little while, Cole. I promise you’ll like it.” She put her hand on the front of his jeans and smiled when it rose immediately against her palm. She undid his zipper and wrapped her fingers tightly around him, laughing softly when she heard him suck in his breath.

“All right, you win,” he said. “Just let me just finish up here first. And you need to wait in the car, or I’ll never get anything done.”

“Okay, Cole. I’ll just go get everything warmed up for you while I wait.” She ran her hands over her breasts and belly, then slid them slowly between her legs.

His eyes rolled back in his head. “I give up. Let’s go.”

He grabbed her hand and pulled her toward the back door, and Jaycee’s smile widened. Didn’t he know better than to refuse her? He was hers—the only thing she had that was worth a damn—and nobody was going to keep him from her. Not even his parents.

***

An hour later, they were still naked in the back seat of his car, parked in a secluded area off the road leading to his house—the place they’d gone to the night they met. They’d been forced to start using it again after Jaycee’s father had come home early one afternoon and threatened to shoot Cole when he caught them making out on the couch.

“I mean it this time, Jaycee,” Cole said, reaching for his underwear. “We can’t do it again. I gotta get back.”

She snatched his shorts from his hand and stuffed them behind her back. “One more time, Cole. You know you want to.”

“You’re right, but I also wanna live to see eighteen. My folks’ll kill me if I’m not there when they get back.” He tried to reach behind her back, but she wrapped her legs around him and locked her ankles.

“Don’t be such a chickenshit, Cole, and I’ve got you trapped anyway. You’re not getting away until you perform.” She pushed his head down so his face was between her breasts. “I’m the mistress and you’re my slave.”

He laughed into her chest. “You’re so warped.”

“You know you love it. I feel that bad boy waking up down there.” She unlocked her legs and reached for his semi-hard penis, stroking him until he was completely erect.

“Okay, okay. One last time.”

He shuddered and moved his hips into position over hers, but she put her hand on his chest.

“Don’t forget the rubber.”

“I don’t have another one. Did you bring any?”

“Shit!”

“I’ll take that as a no,” he said. “But we can still do it, Jaycee. I can pull out in time.”

“Forget it.” She handed him his underwear from behind her. “I learned my lesson the last time you told me that.”

“But we hadn’t just done it twice then. I can control it better this time.”

“I said forget it, Cole. I don’t want your brat screwing up my life.” She saw the wounded look on his face and felt a pang of guilt, but she only pushed him away and started to get dressed.

“Why do you say things like that, Jaycee? Just to hurt me?”

“It’s nothing personal, Cole. I don’t want anyone’s brat.”

“Oh, thanks.” He snatched his shirt from the back of the seat and jerked it over his head. “I feel much better now.”

When they were both dressed and back in the front seat, she said, “Look, I know you don’t have time to take me home, so just go back to the restaurant and I’ll get a ride from there.”

“I told you I don’t want you doing that anymore.” He started the car without looking at her. “I’ll take you home.”

“Don’t be stupid, Cole. You need to get back, and I’ve been riding my thumb since I was eleven years old. Just go to the frigging restaurant.”

He slammed his hands against the steering wheel. “Damn it, Jaycee! It’s dangerous and you’re not gonna do it anymore!”

“Kiss my little round ass, Cole McGee! You don’t tell me what to do!” She reached for the door handle, but he grabbed her other arm.

“Where do you think you’re going? It’s almost a mile back to the road.”

She struggled to free her arm. “Let me go! I don’t need you or anybody else to take care of me!”

“Jaycee, please . . .” He tried to pull her over beside him. “Don’t run away from me. I’m sorry.”

She hated when he did that—apologizing when it wasn’t even his fault. And she knew what he would say next too.

“I love you, Jaycee. I’ll always love you.”

Why did it still slay her to hear him say that? Would she ever get used to it? She stopped resisting and let him pull her to him, momentarily lost in the euphoria of being loved the way she had always wanted. He turned up her face and kissed her, and she kissed him back fiercely, the closest she could come to an apology.

He pressed his face against her neck. “What’s so terrible about me taking care of you? You know I want to marry you.”

Jaycee squelched the hope that always tried to invade her heart whenever he talked about marrying her. “It’d never work, Cole. We’re too different.”

“That would just keep it interesting. At least we’d never be bored.”

“You’re a romantic fool, Cole McGee. Why the hell don’t you find some shy, sweet girl who appreciates you?”

“Because I fell in love with a foul-mouthed troublemaker who seduces me over and over.”

Jaycee had to laugh. “Oh, right. You’re a horny romantic fool.”

She let him take her home but wouldn’t let him come inside, even though her father’s junker wasn’t in the driveway.

“I’ll call you tomorrow,” he said when she got out of the car.

“No you won’t. You’ll be grounded for a frigging month after this, all because you’re too damn stubborn to listen to me.”

He snorted a laugh. “I guess the fact that you made me leave in the first place had nothing to do with it.”

“Glad you understand. Call me in a month, but only if you’re stocked up on rubbers.”

She waved from the porch as he drove away, then she eyed her house dubiously. It was after five-thirty and she’d forgotten to leave on any lights, which meant it would be dark inside. Darkness terrified Jaycee for a reason she couldn’t quite remember and didn’t really want to because she suspected the reason was worse than the fear itself. She’d had nightmares off and on since the age of six and knew it had to do with monsters and a dark closet, but that was all she knew.

Cole didn’t know about it, of course. Admitting she was afraid of anything was not in Jaycee’s makeup, and she certainly didn’t want him to know about a fear as stupid and childish as this one. But, as she peered in the window beside the door, she started to wish she had let him come in with her after all. Maybe she’d just wait on the porch until the old man got home.

“Yeah, right,” she said. “Like he might suddenly decide not to get wasted on a Friday night and come home for a rousing game of Charades with his smartass kid.”

She made a mental note to keep a flashlight on the porch in the future, then she took a deep breath and stuck her key in the lock. Since the porch light didn’t work, the closest light switch was on the far side of the living room, so she decided to fling open the door and make a mad dash to the switch. She would just keep her eyes closed.

“Oh, that’s brilliant,” she said. “It won’t be nearly as dark that way.”

She counted to ten, then she turned the knob and pushed open the door in one swift motion, running with her eyes closed after all. She thought she knew the exact location of every piece of worn-out furniture in the living room, but she forgot the gym bag she’d left in front of the couch. She tripped over it at a full run and ended up sprawled in the middle of the floor with the breath knocked out of her.

Heedless of the pain in her chest and lungs, Jaycee scrambled across the floor on her hands and knees, the nightmare returning in a vivid rush. She couldn’t see anything, but she knew something horrible was there, hurting her with its monster hands as it got ready to eat her at any second. She curled herself into a ball and sobbed in terror and desolation, a six-year-old once again with no one to comfort her, wishing with all her might that her daddy would come and save her.

But he didn’t come, and Jaycee stayed that way until the room filled with the gray light of dawn. She climbed into her bed and lay shivering in the early-morning air, unable to sleep despite her exhaustion. Her body ached from her night on the floor, and she felt like an idiot because she hadn’t been able to overcome the fear. She pulled up the blanket to warm herself with her breath just as the door banged open and her father stared at her from the doorway with red-rimmed, bloodshot eyes.

She peered at him over the edge of the blanket. “What the hell do you want?”

“Where is he, girl?” Jake asked. “Hiding under the blanket with you?”

Jaycee sighed. Shit, here we go again.

“There’s nobody here, Jake. I’ve been alone all night as usual.”

He staggered into the room and lunged toward the bed, reaching out to grab the covers and snatch them off. Jaycee tried to hold on, but her fingers were cold and it affected her grip.

“Why you still got all your clothes on?” he demanded. “You just get home?”

“You wouldn’t have to ask me that if you’d been here.” Jaycee hugged her arms around herself and shivered. “Leave me alone and go sleep it off, old man.”

Before she saw it coming, the back of his right hand connected with her cheekbone, then all she saw for a moment were bursts of light inside her head.

“Don’t call me an old man, you smart-mouthed little tramp! I can still whip your ass, and your horny little boyfriend’s too! Now where the hell is he?”

It was useless to argue with him when he was like this, so Jaycee just tried to protect her face with her arms. “He left, okay? He’s gone!”

Jake grabbed her by both arms and pulled her upright on the bed. “Didn’t I tell you not to bring him here no more? This is my house, and you ain’t gonna play your nasty little games under my roof!” His heavily muscled laborer’s arms shook her until her head wobbled on her neck. “I know what you do with him. I saw you that day I came home and found you with your hand in his pants and your tits in his face!”

Jaycee knew she would pay for her next words, but she said them anyway.

“And you can’t stand it because you wish it was you. Don’t you, Jake?”

He threw her backward and her head banged against the headboard, setting off more lights behind her eyes. Before her vision had time to clear, Jaycee knew a blow was coming because she heard him taking off his belt, so she pulled up her legs in defense.

“You shut your dirty mouth!” he yelled as he swung the belt. “Don’t you ever talk to me like that, I’m your father!”

Jaycee had been covering her face with her arms as the belt struck her over and over, but she lifted her head and caught the belt in her hand.

“But that’s what makes it so bad, Jake. My own father drooling over me worse than the boys at school. You think I don’t see you looking at me—hoping to get a peek at something every time I reach up or bend over? Well, here’s an eyeful for you, old man! Have yourself a good look!”

She pulled up her shirt and exposed her breasts. Jake gasped and dropped the belt to cover his eyes.

“You filthy little slut,” he said through his tears. “Lying little whore.”

“Don’t try to deny it, Jake. If I’m lying, then why do you have that world-class boner?”

He looked down at the protrusion in his work pants and let out a choked sob, then he turned and ran from the room. Jaycee got off the bed and picked up the belt, throwing it out the door behind him.

“That’s right! Run away and hide, you perverted old man! And don’t come near me again or I’ll write something to tell the whole town how you get your jollies!” She slammed the door and locked it, then she threw herself on the bed and curled into a ball.

Well, she’d gotten what she’d wished for all night. Her daddy had finally come home.

Soaring Eagle, Spirit of the Wind

Soaring Eagle, Spirit of the Wind is the telling of two quests. Rosalie, a self-destructive woman, is summoned into the spirit world where she must develop the will to battle the greatest of all foes, herself, a battle she is destined to lose if not for the aid of the shaman, Soaring Eagle. Soaring Eagle, engaged in an endless quest to serve his people, sees Rosalie’s plight in a vision, and propels himself into the spirit world to retrieve her soul.

The following is an excerpt to enable a greater understanding of this truely unique story.

Introduction

‘Soaring Eagle, Spirit of the Wind’ is a unique blend of ancient shamanism and New Age spirituality. The characters set forth in this story are designed to stir emotions, convey meaning that transcends the printed word, and enlighten the reader through a deeper understanding of humankind.

In this story the world of the shaman is seen through the eyes of the character Soaring Eagle. He displays great reverence for god and nature, and as with all accomplished shamans, passes freely between the physical and spiritual realms.

In his world aid is received through spirit guides who often take the form of plants or animals. The guides convey their messages through action or speech, assist in navigating within the spirit realm, and provide protection from malevolent forces.

In his world illness is defined as soul loss; a division of spirit that in modern doctrines has little meaning, yet is proven time after time to be the precursor to disease.

Illness, as defined here, is illustrated through the character Rosalie. In her youth, Rosalie’s parents were lost to a tragic accident. Unbeknownst to her, her soul divided into three parts; a guilt ridden present, an inner child, and a dark unbridled self that is the source of Rosalie’s pain and addictive behaviors. Summoned into the spirit world she is thrust amid forces seeking her destruction, and it soon becomes apparent the world in which she finds herself is very real.

Alison, Rosalie’s friend, fills the role of loyal companion, and though unable to fully understand the shaman’s task, is resigned to assist.

The word shaman (pronounced SHAH-maan), is taken from the language of the Tungus people of Siberia, and refers to a healer, magician, or seer. However, not all healers, magicians, or seers are shamans. Specifically, a shaman enters a state of trance where his soul leaves his body and journeys to the spirit world on behalf of another. When a shaman says he talks to spirits, heals maladies or retrieves lost and disoriented souls, he is speaking in literal terms.

The spirit world is divided into three levels referred to as the lower, middle and upper worlds. The middle world separates the lower and upper worlds which are accessible only through portals.

The portal, or threshold, to the lower world is represented by a break in the earth’s surface such as a cave, hollow tree, or deep hole. This crossing should not be interpreted as descending into a netherworld for it marks only the boundary between the two worlds. By journeying to the lower world the shaman is merely leaving one aspect of the spirit world and entering another.

The threshold to the upper world differs greatly. As the shaman stands upon the ground of the middle world and looks upward he beholds the heavens. Therefore, in journeying to the upper world it is necessary to transition between human form and that which is more suitable for ascension. Through fire the shaman’s spiritual body is reduced to smoke and is carried to the upper threshold, the spiritual boundary of the earth. On the return journey he must once again pass through the fire and transition back into human form. This change should not be likened to death and resurrection; it is merely a method of ‘mobility’ between worlds.

‘Divination’, ‘Sage’, and ‘Extraction’ are chapters representative of three of my own shamanic journeys that have been woven into the plot for effect and originality.

‘Divination’ takes place in the lower world and illustrates how spirits can communicate meaning. When a shaman journeys on behalf of another, he often sees the subject as viewed by the spirits which in some cases differs greatly from physical appearances. In this chapter Rosalie is seen in her spiritual and emotional states, and for the first time to anyone other than she, a face is given to the force that seeks her undoing.

‘Sage’ takes place in the upper world and illustrates another way spirit and shaman communicate. Often the appearance of the spirit guide is symbolic, at least in part, to the knowledge received. In this chapter Sage is a trusted guide whose wisdom is unquestioned.

‘Extraction’ takes place in the lower world and the chapter is so named for the type of healing it describes. In extraction healing disease is removed directly from the body and is generally in the form of a deep festering wound. In no way does the healing scene in this chapter imply violence of any kind. The healing is performed on a spiritual plane and should not be attempted in the physical ‘here and now’.

Shamanism has enabled me to attain a greater knowledge of self through a deeper understanding of the unseen realms. I have come to know that the spirit world is as viable as the world in which we live, for each complements the other. My philosophy of god and creation is illustrated through a reverence toward nature, the divine feminine, and all things spiritual.

Regards,
H. J. Courtright

Divination

Alison strikes the tanned hide sending forth into the night a continuous chant of notes, haunting and all consuming, in time to the pulse of Mother Earth. Flames surging higher feasting upon a modest gathering of wood play harmony to the unrelenting beat. Ancient primordial powers rise enrapturing the darkness, patron spirits guard circle’s edge in defense of roaming specters, creatures of the night fall silent.

Soaring Eagle rises unrestrained from the confines of his flesh. Imperceptible ripples borne of resounding drumbeats shimmer rich defined muscles of his ethereal body. Strength and courage of mythic dimension far exceed tangible existence; yet, he kneels in reverence to those who safeguard his journey.

A leather pouch, secured by a narrow girdle of cloth, sways lightly against his naked groin, and so too, an athame’ blade. Soft leather, items to aid and protect; cold steel, blade of the knife of healing; the only tools of his craft he is allowed to carry.

A hollowed tree appears from the celestial unknown. In single stride he confronts the entrance to the Lower World, and bounding forward plunges headlong into abysmal darkness.

Amid unbridled descent, he withdraws Faerie from the shallow depths of the leather pouch. Released of her protective hold the fanciful sprite takes lead in the blinding procession smothering blackness in golden light. Emerging tunnel ribs softly coalesce as the will of Soaring Eagle propels them deeper into celestial domains until the passage gives birth to familiar travelers.

The Tree of Strength, in tenuous hold upon a grassy ledge, looms above a cool blanket of spring. Soaring Eagle inhales air thick in the aroma of blossoms and nectar, and gently touches the monolith of power. A great light passes through him, as Earth, in Her greatest of blessings, courses renewed potency into the blood of his spirit. The brilliance fades leaving behind the might bestowed unto him.

He extends his palm to Faerie now dimmed through the use of her guiding light. Inviting the touch of ethereal flesh her glow enhances to beaming radiance as a portion of his power carries unto her. Her light turns golden, throbbing to the beat of the drum, and examining the exquisite simplicity of the frail spirit, Soaring Eagle returns her to within the shield of hide.

Beyond the ledge of burgeoning spring and perpetual strength is the Bastian of Truth, the place where spirits reside. Where paradox begins and ends; where ethereal land and sky expand to the horizon becoming one in golden embrace; where the end can never be reached, yet, touched in a single thought.

“Wolf, Eyes of the Forest, greatest of all pathfinders,” he summons, “I, Soaring Eagle, require aid in a matter most urgent,” and the guardian spirit arises from unfathomable obscurity.

“Wolf,” the shaman explains, “I am in service of one named Rosalie, show me the root of her distress,” and touching the spirit, ethereal bodies bond in celestial marriage.

Commanded through purpose, Wolf bounds the grassy ledge into depths of perpetual night onto the paradoxical path. Behind, a subtle touch of spirit fur and gentle pull of the hand are for Soaring Eagle, his only measure of guidance.

The intangible trail ends, elusive bond between shaman and spirit dissolves, the abysmal cloak falls away, and Soaring Eagle stands naked before three doors of divination.

The first door opens, and the cold breeze of Death wafts toward him in soft fragrant currents. He crosses the threshold.

Pale illuminations expose the Rosalie of spirit, eyes veiled in a shroud of cataract. Encased within a womb of flesh, she is as in birth; blind, naked, untouched by all save She who will bear her. Feeble, weak, she huddles for maternal embrace and finds naught. Ridden in pain, she whimpers; consumed in fear, she trembles; death is imminent, birth into the arms of Great Mother draws near.

Soaring Eagle withdraws; the first door shudders closed; the next opens.

He stares across a threshold coloured in vibrant shades of autumn sunset. Clouds turn, twist, undulate and warp in perverse upheaval and the depraved mixture pulls forth. Long feminine fingers scratch his flesh in raspy strokes. He retreats a step and abruptly the delicate hand finds purchase in a vehement grasp. Immersed in a maelstrom of love and hate, prayers of release and resolution, screams of salvation and mercy, he struggles; and defenseless of the tainted emotions, is drawn toward the turbulent source.

In a single leap Wolf is propelled between healer and fervent unrest. Fingers of deathly grasp shudder, release their captive, and retreat. The second door closes in a resounding thud.

Soaring Eagle, declaring his indebtedness to Wolf, releases a troubled sigh. The next door opens and the abysmal darkness of the other side pulls light through the fresh opening.

A sharp illumination ignites the center of the blackness as Soaring Eagle places his first guarded step across the threshold. He stares into the harsh light as it descends along dimensions of sultry curves and subtle hollows of feminine form, making clear, the role of creator, to her, remains unclaimed. She watches as he carefully stalks the room’s inner boundary.

Scant traces of fabric enhance her womanly features, and Soaring Eagle, intrigued by the contrast of malevolence and beauty is cautious not to lower his guard. The enchantress turns, impaling the shaman with her maniacal stare, as a whip, attached by a thin strap about her middle, is released from its hold in a single slip of the finger.

She lashes out with the implement and Soaring Eagle dodges the attempt to maim and entangle leaving the angry snap in his wake. As she lashes out once more he evades the crippling strike and exits the room.

“Wolf, it is time,” he announces, and in a single breath they traverse the vastness.

Soaring Eagle stands beside the Tree of Strength. Placing his palm to its bark he is shrouded in resplendent brilliance. Reduced to a creature of light, he and Tree become one. Veins and arteries extract strength from Mother Earth, for all who ask shall receive; the adverse forces imbedding their ills upon him drain away to be cleansed, for all returning unto Her are reborne. The metamorphosis complete, he is recast unto his likeness.

Drumbeats hasten. Bidding farewell to Wolf, he removes Faerie from her protective place, and is ushered to the physical world by the guidance of her golden light.

Why I Write by Rebecca Lerwill

Dear friends, bec_sh1.jpg

If you are a writer, you have probably found yourself being asked “Why do you write?”
If you are a reader, you probably have asked someone before “Why do you write?”
I have been asked that question and usually could just raise my shoulders and say “I don’t know; pleasure, compulsiveness, wanting to entertain, because I always have a story to tell…” Things of that nature.
Well, that has changed since I experienced the following situation:

I had been invited to be part of a local author’s reception. Four other Utah writers and me met at the beautiful Barnes and Nobles in Sugarhouse/ Salt Lake City to read, speak and sign our work. The staff at B&N really outdid themselves to make us feel welcome. In the café area a curtain was draped to offer a stage like feel. There was plenty of room for the audience who enjoyed the very large selection of hot or iced beverages while reading or being wrapped up in conversation with friends. Right from the start, the atmosphere was very relaxing and fun.

For the signing, five tables had been set up for us authors, with plenty of distance between them so we wouldn’t have to talk over each other while visiting. For every one of us was a 30 minute time window scheduled to go ‘on stage’ and speak, read and answer questions.
I was fourth in line and when it was time for me to speak, I gathered a copy of my novel, a few notes I made previously and a little booklet of my composed poems. I was greeted by a few friends and of course, strangers as well. The previous author had had a great time, so everyone looked at me with anticipation. I took a seat, introduced myself and talked for a little while about my life and my book.

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a young man being deeply involved reading. He sat at the outside of the café area and didn’t pay any attention to anyone around him, including myself. Everyone else seemed to be interested in my story, the poems I cited or when I began reading ‘Relocating Mia.’

When I read to an audience I like to look up after every few lines and have a quick eye contact, especially when something more dramatic happens in the plot. I was about half way through my first chapter, when I noticed that the young man was not reading anymore. He sat back, relaxed and after a few moments was focused on me. By the time my 30 minutes were coming to an end I had read three chapters and ended my time with a synopsis in my own words and a few quick questions from the audience. As I was gathering my papers, to make place for the next author, I noticed that the young man had left. I wondered to myself, if he went on to find a quiet spot to read his book but as I went back to my table, he was already waiting for me there.

He had picked up a copy of ‘Mia’ and was reading a random page. “So you are intrigued,” I greeted him. He nodded and said that he very rarely reads fiction, and if he does it was certainly nothing with romance. ‘Girl stuff’ he called it to my amusement. “But when you mentioned the ex- KGB agents and a hunt through Russia, you had my attention,” he went on.

So we talked for a little while, I signed my book to him and offered a copy of my poems which he greatly appreciated. When it was time for him to leave he said that he was really excited to get home and start reading my book where I had left off.

His exact words were: “It’s gonna be a long night.”

To be able to get a response like this from someone who usually doesn’t read my genre and knowing he will be entertained, my friends, is the reason why I write.

Rebecca Lerwill
www.rebeccalerwill.com

Welcome Paulo Coelho – Bestselling Author

PublicLiterature.Org is proud to announce it’s newest member, Paulo Coelho. Just to list a few of Mr. Coelho’s major literary accomplishments, I’ll quote his biography page:

“To date, Coelho has sold a total of 100 million copies and, according to the magazine Publishing Trends; he was the most sold author in the world in 2003 with his book Eleven Minutes – even though at the time it hadn’t been released in the United States, Japan or 10 other countries!

Also according to Publishing Trends, The Alchemist was to be found in the 6th place of world sales in 2003. Eleven Minutes topped all lists in the world, except for England, where it was in second place. The Zahir, published in 2005, was in third place of bestsellers according to Publishing Trends, after Dan Brown’s The Da Vinci Code and Angels & Demons.

The Alchemist was one of the most important literary phenomena of the 20th century. It reaches the first place in bestselling lists in 18 countries, and so far has sold 30 million copies.”

Paulo Coelho’s Official Homepage

In addition to being a novelist, he is also a lyricist. We look forward to learning more about Mr. Coelho’s latest works.

-Ryan

The Alchemist Warrior of the Light: A Manual

Excerpt from TRUE BLUE FOREVER

Jeana and Mickey generated heat from the beginning.

Take when they met. It was almost the second quarter of the 1978-79 school year, and the temperature still hovered near ninety. Even for southern Alabama, that kind of heat was unusual for so late in October. The box fans at both ends of the room in Mrs. Langston’s sophomore English class barely stirred the humid air, their somnolent drone only adding to the lethargy typical of sixth period classes.

Jeana took her alphabetically assigned seat at the front of the last row. Her hair clung to her neck in sweaty, auburn tendrils, and she lifted it optimistically, hoping for a breeze from the open window. When she felt something move across her damp hairline, she shivered and heard a familiar laugh.

“Is that a hickey on your neck?” Wade Strickland asked as he took the seat behind Jeana. “Oh, wait. Smart girls don’t go in for no neck sucking, right? Unless maybe it was for a homework assignment.” He leaned up and made kissy noises at her shoulder. “Want to help me with mine, Jeana-baby?”

She flipped her thick curls into his face. “What would you know about homework, Wade Strickland? Besides getting one of your girlfriends to do it for you?”

“I know enough to copy it in my own handwriting,” he replied. “Sandi dots her i’s with hearts, and I sure as hell wouldn’t want Old Lady Langston to think I had the hots for her.” He mimed an attack of nausea, getting laughs from his buddies Jimbo Sullivan and Lamar Pruitt.

With a roll of her hazel eyes, Jeana took out her notes on The Crucible for a last-minute review before the test. For the hundredth time, she silently cursed the luck that had put Mrs. Sutton’s regular English students in the advanced class after the teacher’s car accident. When she felt Wade playing with her hair, Jeana jerked her head and also cursed the luck that put all the jocks’ names in the same part of the alphabet as hers.

She tried to concentrate on her notes, but her interest was piqued when she overheard Wade and the others talking about the new boy at school. She’d been hearing about him all day but hadn’t seen him herself. He obviously didn’t take advanced classes. Probably just another jock.

“You seen him yet, Wade?” Lamar asked.

“Yeah, no big deal.” Wade sounded deliberately bored. “He’s a Yankee from Oregon or Washington. Somewhere like that.”

“Bubba said he’s wearing a frigging New York Yankee shirt.” Lamar’s forehead creased in confusion. “Did they move to Washington?”

“No, you dumbass.” Wade whacked Lamar in the back of the head and Jimbo snorted.

“He’s in my World History class,” Jimbo said, still laughing at Lamar rubbing his head. “Looks like he’s in decent shape. Who knows, Wademan? You might finally have some competition on the old gridiron.”

Wade looked disgusted. “You’re both full of shit.”

Mrs. Langston walked into the room, followed by none other than the subject of the discussion, and Jeana saw that his shirt indeed bore the logo of the New York Yankees. The boys might have been interested in his shirt—this was Atlanta Braves territory, after all—but Jeana suspected it was the exquisite way he filled out his boot-cut Levi’s, the wavy brown hair that virtually cried out for fingers to be run through it, and the biceps flexed slightly on the arm holding his books that held the girls’ attention. Jeana couldn’t help taking an appreciative look herself, even if he did appear to be just one more of the Locker Room Set.

“He is a damn Yankee,” Lamar said with a derisive curl of his lip.

Tiffany Pearsall tossed her feathered blonde hair and added, “Yeah, a damn fine Yankee.”

Jeana was surprised to realize she felt sorry for the boy being gaped at by everyone. He didn’t seem arrogant like most good-looking guys, and he didn’t emanate attitude like Wade. While Mrs. Langston looked at his transfer form, he shifted his weight from one foot to the other, and although he could obviously hear the whispers all around him, he pointedly avoided the twenty-five pairs of curious eyes. When he licked his lips and twin dimples flashed on his cheeks, Jeana drew a sharp breath.

Mrs. Langston looked up over her half-glasses and noticed her students’ rapt attention. “Since everyone seems so interested, I’ll introduce our new student. This is Mickey Royal, and he transferred to Vigor from Kent-Meridian High School in Washington state. Let’s see…” She took off her glasses and looked in Jeana’s direction. “Everyone in the last row, please move back one seat. Mr. Royal, you may take the seat in front of Miss Russell.”

An odd look crossed Mickey’s face momentarily before he smiled at Jeana and said, “Hi.”

“Hey,” she replied, mentally wincing. Why couldn’t she have just said hello?

“The Yankees suck!” echoed from the back of the room, drawing raucous laughter from all the boys and bringing Mrs. Langston to her feet.

“Who said that? I will not allow that vulgar term in my classroom!”

“Do you mean suck or Yankee?” asked Wade, invoking more laughter.

Mrs. Langston narrowed her eyes. “Since you’ve developed this sudden interest in words, Mr. Strickland, you may bring me an essay Monday on ‘The Importance of Having a Good Vocabulary’.” She bent to make a note in her grade book. “I think five hundred words will suffice.”

Wade’s grin disappeared and he punched Lamar in the shoulder for snickering.

“Please clear your desks.” Mrs. Langston began placing the mimeographed papers face down in front of each student. “Mr. Royal, you may begin reading The Crucible in your literature text. The rest of the class is taking a test on it today, but you will have until Monday to prepare. It would be advisable for you to borrow the notes on what we’ve been discussing from someone in the class.”

“Yes ma’am,” Mickey said.

Jeana heard someone say in her voice, “You can borrow my notes.” Mickey turned to smile at her again, and she saw that his eyes were almost the color of his name.

“Thanks.”

“Damn, you got it made, Yankee-boy,” Wade leaned up and whispered. “This here is Miss Jeana-the-Brain, and she usually guards her notes closer than she guards her virginity.”

“Shut up, Wade!” Jeana blushed furiously and glanced at Mickey. At least he hadn’t laughed.

Mrs. Langston pushed Wade back down in his seat. “Do we have a problem, Mr. Strickland?”

“No ma’am,” Wade replied. “I was just welcoming the Pride of the Yankees here.”

More snickering.

“No more talking then.” Mrs. Langston sat at her desk and began her test-taking vigil. “Everyone may turn their test over and begin.”

While Jeana answered the questions, she silently prayed for telekinesis so she could make one of the fluorescent light fixtures fall on Wade’s blond head. She despised Wade Strickland, and Mickey was probably just another jock who would end up running around with him and all the other thicknecks. And why on Earth had she offered him her notes?

She stole another glance at the broad shoulders in front of her and remembered the startling blue eyes and those dimples.

Okay. Maybe she knew why she’d done it, but she would probably regret it.

***

Mrs. Langston kept Jeana a few minutes after class to discuss the practice schedule for the High School Bowl academic team, and when she came out into the hall, Jeana saw Mickey surrounded by Tiffany and three other girls from class. He looked like a fly in a web with four spiders.

“That is so awesome,” Tiffany was gushing. “You play football, baseball, and basketball? You must be an awesome athlete.”

Jeana hurried toward her locker. It was even worse than she’d thought—a jock to the third power!

“Not really,” Mickey answered Tiffany. “I guess I’m just too hardheaded to give any of them up.” He looked at Jeana as she walked by and said, “Listen, I’ll see you girls later.”

Jeana looked back and saw their carefully made-up faces marred with equal amounts of surprise and annoyance as they watched him walk away.

“Can I get those notes from you now?” Mickey asked. “English is my worst subject, so I need all the help I can get.”

His voice was soft, with a whispery quality Jeana thought was incredibly sexy.

“I’m sure Tiffany would give you hers,” she replied, “and she’d probably volunteer to read them to you too. She thinks you’re awesome.

“I’d rather have yours,” he said. “I hear you’re really smart.”

Jeana told herself not to look at him, to just tell him no. “I can’t find them. They must’ve fallen out of my notebook.” She tried to focus on her locker dial, but the stupid thing wouldn’t open.

“Oh. Well…okay.”

That was all it took. The disappointment in his voice got to her and she looked at him.

“Wait,” she said, wondering how his eyes could be even bluer than before. “Maybe they’re in my locker. If I ever get it open, I’ll look for them.”

Another display of dimples.

“Thanks. I’ll go to my locker and meet you back here in a few minutes.”

Jeana had to tear her gaze from the glorious view as he walked down the hall, and she discovered her throat was suddenly dry and it was difficult to swallow. What a wimp she was! Her resolve had lasted a whopping two seconds. All he’d had to do was sound a little pitiful and she’d folded like one of those giggling groupies.

She finally got her combination right and took the notes from her notebook, throwing everything else inside the locker with a disgusted sigh. When she saw him coming around the corner, she waved the notes at him and said, “Hey, I found them.”

“Great! I really appreciate this.” Mickey scanned over the five pages—front and back—of notes written in Jeana’s prizewinning penmanship. “Man, you really take good notes. But, could I…maybe get your phone number? In case I have a question about something this weekend.”

Jeana searched his face for any sign of coyness. “Well, I guess so. I’ll write it on the back of the last page.” She took the notes and frantically tried to remember her number.

“Super,” Mickey said when she handed the paper back to him. “Can I give you a ride home?”

Her heart was pounding so hard she thought he must be able to hear it. “Thanks, but my mother’s waiting for me.”

“Okay. Hey, thanks again.” He gave her arm a casual squeeze. “See you later.”

“Bye, Mickey.”

Jeana watched him walk away again and then stared at her arm in amazement. It actually tingled where he’d touched her. She walked to the parking lot still in a daze and got into her mother’s station wagon.

Betty Russell looked at her daughter with concern. “Jeana, Honey, what’s wrong? You’re all flushed.” She looked at Jeana’s empty hands and added, “And where are your books? You’ve never come home without any books before.”

“It’s the heat, Mama,” Jeana said, touching her still-tingling arm. “I’m too hot to study.”

***

Sequestered in her room, Jeana lay on her bed with a stuffed Persian cat named Precious clutched in her arms and tried to sort out her emotions as she watched the late-afternoon sun paint dappled patterns on the wall. What the heck was going on? She had never let herself be distracted by the things the other girls were obsessed with—namely boys, makeup, more boys, hairstyles, additional boys, clothes, and still more boys.

Besides being detrimental to her goal of becoming valedictorian, dating the boys at school had never held much appeal for Jeana, since most of them were either immature, irresponsible, or insensitive jerks. And the ones who played sports were usually all three—Wade Strickland as the prime example.

Of course, that didn’t mean Jeana wouldn’t indulge in romantic fantasies occasionally, it was just that she much preferred the men from the novels in which she lost herself. Men like Rhett Butler and Jo’s Professor Bhaer in Little Women. Jeana would conjure up a dream man who was masculine yet sensitive, strong but gentle, and whose intellectual brilliance matched her own so they could have deep, insightful conversations that would explore each other’s soul. She had yet to find anyone like that walking the halls of Vigor High School.

It had been easy to ignore the boys until Mickey came along, and Jeana was confused by her instant attraction to him. She was afraid to hope he might really like her, and not even sure she wanted him to. He’d probably just heard Wade say she was smart and thought he could get an easy English grade if he flashed his dimples at her.

“And wasn’t I just reeled in like a big ol’ catfish?” Jeana said, sitting up to look Precious in the eyes. “What was I thinking? He’s a jock, and he probably goes for the rah-rah type anyway, not smart girls with wild hair and minuscule eyes.”

She glanced at her reflection in the mirror across the room and then fell back on her bed with her arm thrown across her face. Here she was obsessing over looks now. What was next? Cheerleader aspirations?

Jeana answered the knock on her door with, “Go away. I don’t feel well.”

Her sister Shelly came in and flounced onto the bed. “What’s the deal with you, chick?”

Jeana moved her arm just enough to peer at her sister. “Good thing I’m not nauseous, what with your mistaking the bed for a trampoline and all.”

Shelly made barfing noises and held her stomach.

“You’re just so funny,” Jeana said.

“For real, Jeana.” Shelly stretched out beside her sister on the bed. “Mama told me you came home bookless and were acting all weird. What’s going on?”

Before Jeana could answer, the phone in the hall rang and she shot upright on the bed, drawing a suspicious look from Shelly. Jeana tried to act as if she’d just remembered something she desperately needed from her night stand, picking up some loose change from the drawer as their mother came to the door and told them the phone was for Shelly.

“I’ll be back in a minute, and I want some answers,” Shelly said as she left.

Jeana sighed and considered confiding in Shelly about Mickey. They’d always gotten along well for sisters, despite their different personalities. An extrovert who was head-cheerleader for Clark Middle School, Shelly was a natural beauty with big brown eyes, olive skin, and golden-brown hair that curled cooperatively—unlike Jeana’s unruly mane. At fourteen, Shelly already had more experience with boys than Jeana, but the idea of getting advice from her little sister was embarrassing. And she didn’t really expect Mickey to call anyway. Why would he need to? He had her ridiculously detailed notes.

Jeana decided she wasn’t ready to face her sister’s inquisition just yet, so she slipped out the back door while Shelly was on the phone. It was still unseasonably warm outside, although the sun hovered just above the trees when Jeana stepped across the culvert separating their yard from Chickasaw Municipal Park.

She went in through the back gate and walked behind the bleachers on Field-C, heading toward the swings at the front of the park next to the batting cages. The fall softball season had just ended the previous weekend so the park was deserted for a change, but when Jeana reached Field-B’s home dugout, she heard the shuwop of the coin-operated pitching machine in one of the batting cages, followed by the sound of a bat on a ball.

She stopped, meaning to turn around and go back until she saw a shirt and hat hanging on the gate handle at the back of the cage. The NY insignia of the Yankees jumped out at her, and her heart did some Olympic-caliber acrobatics in her chest.

It was Mickey!

Jeana watched him from behind the dugout, feeling like a voyeur but unable to stop. He was shirtless and wore cutoff jeans, the sun turning the hair on his arms and legs a burnished gold. Her eyes took in the well-defined muscles in his back and his legs, and she noticed appreciatively how everything flexed when he swung the bat—particularly in the gluteus maximus region where her eyes tended to linger.

She realized her pulse was racing and the temperature seemed to have gone up several degrees. She fanned her face with her hand, telling herself she had to stop reacting to a physical attraction and her hormones. She didn’t even know him, for Pete’s sake. They probably had nothing in common and would bore each other to tears.

This did not, however, prompt her to stop watching him. When the pitching machine stopped, he fished in the pocket of his shorts and then stared at his hand a moment before walking dolefully over to where his hat and shirt hung on the fence. Jeana suddenly felt her feet moving as if of their own accord.

“Hey, Mickey!” she called. “Don’t you know it’s football season?”

She silently blessed her band director, because the only reason she knew it was football season was because she played the clarinet in the marching band and performed at all the games.

Mickey looked up and smiled when he saw her. “It’s always baseball season for me. Besides, you can never get too much practice.” He took a towel from the gym bag on the ground outside the gate and wiped his face. “What’re you doing here? Come to hit a few?”

Jeana noticed the small patch of damp curls in the middle of his chest and thought Lord, give me strength!

“No, I’m not into sports.” She gestured over her shoulder and added, “I live over there in that gray house and was just taking a walk. Hey, do you need some more change?” She retrieved four quarters from her pocket and held out her hand.

“Are you kidding?” Mickey’s amazing eyes lit up at her offer. “I never get tired of this.”

His fingers brushed her palm when he took the quarters, and she had to fight the impulse to jump at the electricity she felt. He fed the coins into the pitching machine and went to stand beside the plate as she sat cross-legged in the grass on the side of the cage.

“Mind if I watch?” she asked.

“No, but you might have to move from my line of vision. So you won’t distract me.” The corners of his mouth twitched and his dimples appeared briefly before he frowned in concentration at the first pitch.

Was he flirting with her, or was that just some kind of strict batting protocol? She watched him send every pitch sailing into the net and became intrigued. He actually seemed serious about this nonsense, and she supposed he must be good because he didn’t miss any of the balls. She decided it wouldn’t hurt to have a real conversation with him so she could see if there was more to him than just muscles.

Her eyes returned to the perfect curve in the seat of his shorts and she sighed. Absolutely divine muscles.

When the machine whirred to a stop, Mickey gathered his things and walked over to where Jeana was sitting, then he dropped to the ground beside her. “Thanks for the change. That’s two favors I owe you now.” He put his bag behind him and leaned back on it with one arm behind his head. “That reminds me. Why did you loan me your notes if what that Wade guy said is true?”

Jeana flushed at the memory of Wade’s crude remark. “Wade Strickland is an insufferable jerk.”

“Obviously,” Mickey said, “but that doesn’t answer my question. Why’d you do it?”

“I guess I felt kind of sorry for you,” she replied with a little shrug. “Transferring to a new school can’t be any fun, and I didn’t like the way Wade and his flunkies were giving you a hard time. Your choice of apparel didn’t help much, by the way. Don’t you know people around here are for the Atlanta Braves?”

“So? I’ve always been a Yankee fan like my dad, and I’m not ashamed of it. In fact, I was even named after the greatest Yankee ever.” He paused, clearly waiting to see if she knew whom he meant.

“Mickey Mantle, right?” she said. “Even I know about him. He was the only switch-hitter to hit more than five hundred homeruns.” That fact had been one of the questions from her last High School Bowl match and had stuck in her mind because it was one of the few she’d missed.

Mickey applauded, looking impressed. “Not bad. Not bad at all for a Southern Belle, especially a brainy one.”

Jeana bristled slightly at his use of brainy. “Are you making fun of me?”

“Absolutely not,” he said. “I like brainy Belles. Besides, any girl who knows about The Mick is a girl after my own heart.” He clasped his hands on his chest and fluttered his eyelashes, making her laugh.

“I hate to break that heart of yours,” she said, “but that’s about the only thing I know about him. I told you, I’m not into sports.”

“Neither am I,” he said with a straight face. Jeana shoved him and he rolled off the gym bag, laughing. “Seriously,” he said as he sat up, “you don’t like any sports?”

She shook her head. “Sorry.”

“Then, um…” He picked at a blade of grass by his foot and didn’t look at her. “Why did you stay to watch me hit?”

For a second, Jeana considered making up something. She was in uncharted territory and her first instinct was to hide her interest, but she decided that would be too much like the games played by the girls she disdained so much. Besides, she was in the mood for a little exploration.

“Maybe I’d become a baseball fan if the major-leaguers played without their shirts.”

Mickey looked at her in mock surprise. “Why, Miss Russell, I’m shocked. I feel so…used.”

He covered his chest with his hands in feigned modesty, and she laughed again.

“I like to hear you laugh,” he said. “You don’t giggle like most girls. You just kind of belt it out like you mean it.”

She arched one eyebrow. “Hmm…I guess that was a compliment, even though you make me sound like a lumberjack. But you’re right, I’m not like most girls. You’re not like most jocks either.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re nice for one thing, and your sense of humor isn’t at other people’s expense. That’s nothing like most of the jocks I know.”

“You shouldn’t judge all athletes by Wade,” he said. “I don’t know what he did to make you dislike him, but I can sure tell he gets your feathers ruffled.”

Jeana made a face. “I can’t stand him. He’s crude, conceited, and has the mental capacity of a gorilla with a neck to match.”

Ouch,” Mickey said with a wince. “I hope you never get mad at me like that. But, gorillas are actually intelligent, you know. If you really want to compare him to a stupid animal, it should be a chicken. They’re so dumb they’ll walk right behind other chickens to get their heads whacked off.”

Her anger at the mention of Wade disappeared as she laughed at the scene he suggested. “Is that true?”

Mickey nodded. “Yep, I’ve seen ‘em do it.”

“I didn’t know that,” she said. “But then, I don’t know much about chickens at all, being a city girl. How do you know about them?”

“My great-grandmother had chickens and we used to visit her when I was little. She lived in Clarke County near Grove Hill.”

Jeana looked surprised. “I thought you moved here from Washington.”

“I did, but I was born in Mobile, and we lived in Chickasaw when I was in the fifth grade.”

He seemed to be watching for her reaction to this news, so she nodded. “I guess that’s why you say yes ma’am and don’t really sound like a Yankee.”

“My dad was from Washington. That’s why we moved to Kent.”

“I’ve always heard the Northwest is breathtakingly beautiful,” she said. “Why did you move back to Alabama?”

His expression changed and he looked away. “My dad died of cancer earlier this year. Mom wanted to come back to be close to her family.”

Jeana heard the raw pain in his voice and instinctively took his hand. “I’m so sorry, Mickey.”

He stared at her small hand in his with a ragged sigh. When he looked up at her, Jeana thought her heart would break at the sight of his beautiful eyes pooled with tears.

“Thanks,” he said, squeezing her hand. “I’ll tell you about him sometime. He was a great guy.”

“I’d love to hear about your dad, Mickey. Anytime you want to tell me.” They sat without talking for a minute, then she reluctantly let go of his hand. “I’d better get back home. Mama will have supper ready soon, and I have to get dressed for the game tonight.”

Mickey’s stomach growled as if on cue at the mention of supper, and they both laughed. “My mom will be expecting me too,” he said. “So, you’re going to the football game?”

“Yes, I’m in the band.”

“Oh. Too bad.”

Jeana laughed at his crestfallen expression and poked him in the chest. “You have something against band members?”

“No, I meant it’s too bad you have to sit with the band.”

He stood and offered his hand to pull her up beside him. They were standing very close, so she had to tilt up her face to look at him.

“Jeana, there’s something I want to tell you…” He paused and they heard Shelly calling from the other side of the park.

“What were you going to say, Mickey?” Jeana asked as he moved away from her.

“It can wait. I’ll tell you some other time.” He took his shirt from the gym bag and put it on as Shelly walked up.

“Supper’s ready, Jeana,” Shelly said, looking at Mickey. “Mama sent me to find you.”

“Shelly, this is Mickey Royal,” Jeana said. “He just moved here from Washington. He’s in my English class.”

“Nice to meet you,” Mickey said as he picked up his bag. “Bye, Jeana. Hope I see you at the game.” He reached out and flicked her earlobe with his forefinger before walking away.

“Bye, Mickey.” Jeana turned and grabbed Shelly’s arm. “Let’s go, and don’t say a word.”

“Man, Jeana,” Shelly said, looking back at Mickey as Jeana pulled her in the direction of their house. “I always knew it would take a miracle to get your mind off studying, and he’s definitely miraculous.”

***

Shelly kept giving Jeana surreptitious smiles while they ate supper, and Robert Russell noticed his daughters’ curious interactions.

“Where were you when I got home, Hot Shot?” he asked Jeana.

Shelly coughed and Jeana kicked her under the table.

“I took a walk to get some exercise,” Jeana replied, studying the red-beans-and-rice on her plate. “I figured I’d better start getting my legs ready for the Mardi Gras parades next spring.”

“I hope the football team can pull this one off tonight,” Robert said, buttering a piece of cornbread. “A win against Davidson will put them in the Shrine Bowl next week for the Region One championship, and it’s been way too long since Mobile had a team in the state playoffs.”

Shelly shook Tabasco sauce on her beans and said, “Sissy told me Wade came home from practice yesterday with ‘Take State in ‘78′ on the windshield of his ‘Vette in shoe polish. Their dad had a major hissy-fit about it.”

Betty shook her head and sighed. “Chuck has always been so hard on that boy. Seems like he’s yelling at Wade every time I see them.”

Jeana couldn’t resist adding, “Maybe it’s because Wade is such a jerk.”

“You didn’t always feel that way about him,” Betty said, getting a disgusted look from Jeana in return.

“Well, jerk or not,” Robert said, “Wade is the main reason it’s been so hard to score on Vigor this year. That boy’s a mean tackler.”

Jeana rolled her eyes. “I’m not very hungry. I’m going to get dressed for the game.”

She put away her dishes and went to her room, wondering if she would see Mickey at the game and feeling her stomach do a somersault at the thought. She enjoyed playing in the band and performing the half-time shows, but she’d never looked forward to a football game as much as she did this one.

She put on her uniform and sat at her dresser to brush her hair. Should she borrow some of Shelly’s makeup? She looked at her face in the mirror and then shook her head. No, he either liked her the way she was or he could find some other girl to make weak in the knees.

“And he does like me, I can tell,” she told her reflection. “Me, Jeana Lee Russell, the redheaded nerd-girl.”

She turned and threw her brush at the bookcase that housed her old yearbooks.

“Take that, Wade Strickland!”

***

The Stricklands lived next door to the Russells until right before Jeana and Wade entered middle school, and they’d once shared the kind of friendship possible between boys and girls only until the plague of puberty strikes. Growing up together on West Grant Street, Jeana and Wade played together uninhibited, along with the other kids in the neighborhood. Childhood games like freeze tag and hide-and-seek, played until the streetlights came on and everyone knew it was time to go home.

Around the age of nine, Jeana caught the other kids up in her love of mystery and intrigue, sparked by her journey through countless Nancy Drew books. They formed a secret club and even had a clubhouse—a storage shed in Wade’s back yard served as the site for their clandestine meetings. They had code names and passwords, and Jeana even invented a written code for sending top-secret messages between club members: add the first letter from the next word to the end of the previous word, and meet me in ten minutes became meetm ei nt enm inutes.

Wade was so impressed the day Jeana showed him the code, he told her he thought she was the coolest girl in the world, but he was still going to call her Redhot, the nickname he’d given her because she loved the little candies so much he claimed they were the reason her hair was red. There was unabashed admiration in Wade’s green eyes when he looked at Jeana, and she was thrilled by the way it made her feel. He liked her and she knew it.

Then Wade’s father got a big promotion at International Paper Company the summer after the kids were in the fifth grade, and the Stricklands moved to a nicer house in another neighborhood. Jeana didn’t see Wade all summer, but the day they started the sixth grade at Clark Middle School, she saw him standing outside before the first bell with two boys she didn’t recognize.

She went over to say hello and to catch Wade up on what had been going on in the neighborhood, but what had always been an easy friendship between them was suddenly made awkward by the snickers and ribbing of Wade’s friends from his new neighborhood, Jimbo and Lamar. They teased him about Jeana being his girlfriend, and Wade got angry and walked away.

She tried to talk to him again at lunch but he still avoided her, so when she saw him at his locker after school, she made one last try to find out what was wrong.

“You’re crazy, Jimbo,” Wade was saying as Jeana walked up behind him. “Who would ever like that redheaded nerd-girl? She’s too weird.”

His words hurt Jeana deeply, and not only because of their cruelty. She knew they weren’t true because, if Wade didn’t like her, why had he sent her a note to meet him in the clubhouse on the day he moved? Alone with her in the shed that day, Wade had told her how much he was going to miss her and then shown her the heart with their initials in it that he said he’d carved on the shed door so she wouldn’t forget she was his girl. Then he’d pulled her into a tentative embrace and pressed his lips to hers.

Jeana’s first kiss. Monumental enough in itself, but even more special because it had come from the boy she thought was the sweetest she would ever know. But, standing in the school hallway three months later with Wade’s hateful words still echoing in her ears, all Jeana could do was stare at him and wonder what had made him say such an awful thing about her.

When Wade turned around and saw the hurt and bewildered expression on Jeana’s face, he looked sorry at first. But then Jimbo began to laugh, and Wade laughed with him. Jeana swore never to forgive him.

In the years that followed, she avoided Wade whenever possible and they’d never spoken of what happened. He discovered football in the seventh grade and got progressively more arrogant in direct relation to his rapid increase in size. By the time he was sixteen, he’d grown to six feet three inches, weighed two hundred twenty pounds, and was the starting middle linebacker for the varsity football team. He’d also grown accustomed to seeing his picture in the newspaper captioned with phrases like Strickland Crushes Murphy Offense and Vigor “Wades” Over McGill.

When boys had started to notice Jeana’s blossoming figure around the age of thirteen, she promised herself she would never again be misled by the insincere things boys said. She ignored them all and concentrated on her intelligence, because that was something on which she knew she could always depend.

Once Wade began to be touted as a football phenom, girls who had never given him the time of day before were suddenly clamoring for his attention, and he appeared to have forgotten the hurtful words he’d said about Jeana. He seemed to think she should welcome his attention like the other girls did and flirted with her at every juncture, but Jeana never took any of it seriously. She figured it was just something so ingrained in his nature it was involuntary, like sneezing.

And, although there was never a shortage of adoring females willing to put up with Wade’s obnoxiousness in exchange for riding around with him in his yellow Corvette, Jeana made sure he knew she wasn’t interested in ever being one of them.

May I introduce myself?

belong
(senryu by Rebecca Lerwill)
totally unknown
a book changes everything
now I’m introduced

Hello there,

A few days ago I found an invitation to join publicliterature.org in my inbox. Honestly, I never heard of such website before, but after looking things over I was thrilled that someone suggested to me to join this bunch of very talented writers.

So here I am and I would like to introduce myself and my humble work to you:
My debut novel ‘Relocating Mia’ is a romantic story filled with drama and suspense. I will post a short synopsis below, but let me just add that Relocating Mia received the honor of being named a Finalist in the USA Book News, Best Books Awards in 2007.
Needless to say, I was surprised at first and then very pleased with this honor. As of today, the sequel to Relocating Mia is in full swing.
‘The Acronym’ should be ready for publishing by the fall of 2008 and I plan on posting a few sample chapters here for your review.

As a new author I very much appreciate constructive criticism and honest opinions from those, who are much wiser about this beautiful craft, than I am.
At times I will also post a few selected poems and articles I may have already blogged about on my blog-site or on authorsden.com
My personal website gets updated several times a week, so please feel free to stop by anytime.
www.rebeccalerwill.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Relocating Mia by Rebecca Lerwill
synopsis:

Mia Trentino is the top relocating specialist at Worldmove, Inc., and her latest assignment is sending her to Siberia, Russia. But the new job comes with a new partner: a handsome threat to her career named Douglas Farland.

After a rocky start, the job is going well, and things begin to heat up between Mia and Douglas. Then, lies and secrets begin to surface that make Mia suspect her new partner might have a different agenda. What seemed like a simple relocation erupts into a cat-and-mouse game of intrigue full of drug smuggling, secret agents, and the Red Mafia. Suddenly Mia’s in a fight for her life, and she may have to trust the one person who seems the most to blame.