Tag Archives: iron man family outing

easter

Poetry, , , ,

in this dream
I’m looking at an old family photo
25-year-old black + white
mother father brother + me
the classic easter pose in the yard
outside grandpa + grandma’s house
my focus is on my dad
he’s so young
younger than I am now
and he looks so scared!

I feel compassion + tenderness for this
frightened young man who took on too much
a family he was ill-prepared to handle.

I know some of his fear
I feel it myself in my own life every day
the fear of being a bad father
the fear of being a father too soon
the fear of losing my life + my dreams to
the demands of a wife + a child
he has good reason to be afraid
he looks lonely
no one’s taught him how to do this
nobody’s backing him up.

I feel his loneliness + his fear for the first time
not in my head but in my heart + my gut
I’m surprised to feel such thorough compassion for him
as he was at that time
I’m so used to hating the man I knew as my father
angry insensitive frightening hateful cruel
I don’t feel comfortable identifying with
this man I’ve cast as my personal demon.

this dream frightens me because I’m afraid I’m like him
but it also encourages me
it tells me that
maybe I’m beginning to see him as a person
instead of a demon
maybe I’m beginning to let go of him at last.

_____________________

Excerpted from Iron Man Family Outing: Poems about Transition into a More Conscious Manhood by Rick Belden. Copyright © 1990, 2008 by Rick Belden.

elephant dream

Poetry, , ,

I have in my care three elephants
two males
one female
they are very sick
from too much time in the heat of the sun
they’ve come to a place of shade and safety now
but they’re dying
the female is the sickest.

they have large ragged holes in their skins
burned into them by an unforgiving sun
weak and withered
dried and dying
drained of power
they wait and they suffer.

I’ve noticed them only recently
I know that without my help
their time is short.

I haven’t been trained to care for these holy creatures
so I ask others for help
one well-intentioned man
young bureaucrat in uniform
suggests a cage for shade and safety
they’re dying! I remind him
but they’ll be very safe he says.

others are not interested at all
some make jokes
this is urgent!
who will help me?

these animals need water
lots of it
more than I can ever provide
with the old buckets once used by
my father
my uncles
my grandfathers
elephants have other needs too
but water is basic and must come first.

I’m desperate
time is short
I walk up a slow hill on a back country road
(I’ve walked this road in younger days)
looking for someone to help me save these sacred beasts.

_____________________

Excerpted from Iron Man Family Outing: Poems about Transition into a More Conscious Manhood by Rick Belden. Copyright © 1990, 2008 by Rick Belden.

god at eleven

Poetry, ,

god is an overdue library book
an empty sardine can
an angry santa claus.

god is a school bus full of strangers
a sixty on the test
a dad who’s always pissed
a mom with scar tissue.

god is a prison guard with rheumatic fever
a flying squirrel in a cage
a deformed colt in a field
a member of the john birch society.

god still lives with his parents
he fights with his brother over pigs
drives a milk truck on saturday to make ends meet
makes me wear an athletic supporter
watches hee-haw and listens to country music
on the radio.

god has a workshop in the basement
he picks the dump and smokes white owls
takes his teeth out when he eats
makes me cry in front of the whole class
stands in our driveway and tells my dad
he’s no good.

god wants to punish me for something I didn’t do.

_____________________

Excerpted from Iron Man Family Outing: Poems about Transition into a More Conscious Manhood by Rick Belden. Copyright © 1990, 2008 by Rick Belden.