King Lear

Fool.
Why, for taking one's part that's out of favour. Nay, an thou
canst not smile as the wind sits, thou'lt catch cold shortly:
there, take my coxcomb: why, this fellow hath banish'd two on's
daughters, and did the third a blessing against his will; if
thou follow him, thou must needs wear my coxcomb.--How now,
nuncle! Would I had two coxcombs and two daughters!

Lear.
Why, my boy?

Fool.
If I gave them all my living, I'd keep my coxcombs myself.
There's mine; beg another of thy daughters.

Lear.
Take heed, sirrah,--the whip.

Fool.
Truth's a dog must to kennel; he must be whipped out, when
the lady brach may stand by the fire and stink.

Lear.
A pestilent gall to me!

Fool.
Sirrah, I'll teach thee a speech.

Lear.
Do.

Fool.
Mark it, nuncle:--
    Have more than thou showest,
    Speak less than thou knowest,
    Lend less than thou owest,
    Ride more than thou goest,
    Learn more than thou trowest,
    Set less than thou throwest;
    Leave thy drink and thy whore,
    And keep in-a-door,
    And thou shalt have more
    Than two tens to a score.

Kent.
This is nothing, fool.

Fool.
Then 'tis like the breath of an unfee'd lawyer,--you gave me
nothing for't.--Can you make no use of nothing, nuncle?

Lear.
Why, no, boy; nothing can be made out of nothing.

Fool.
[to Kent] Pr'ythee tell him, so much the rent of his land
comes to: he will not believe a fool.

Lear.
A bitter fool!

Fool.
Dost thou know the difference, my boy, between a bitter fool and
a sweet one?

Lear.
No, lad; teach me.

Fool.
   That lord that counsell'd thee
     To give away thy land,
   Come place him here by me,--
     Do thou for him stand:
   The sweet and bitter fool
     Will presently appear;
   The one in motley here,
     The other found out there.

Lear.
Dost thou call me fool, boy?

Fool.
All thy other titles thou hast given away; that thou wast born
with.

Kent.
This is not altogether fool, my lord.

Fool.
No, faith; lords and great men will not let me: if I had a
monopoly out, they would have part on't and loads too: they
will not let me have all the fool to myself; they'll be
snatching.--Nuncle, give me an egg, and I'll give thee two
crowns.

Lear.
What two crowns shall they be?

Fool.
Why, after I have cut the egg i' the middle and eat up the